?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Dan's Journal
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:College Humor. Ladder Theory - THE MOST amazing site ever. Maddox Rocks. Find the song you heard on the radio played ANYTIME of the day ANYWHERE.
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries

Security:
Time:01:49 am
Current Mood:contemplativecontemplative
School's started again... I can't believe fall break went by so fast. I'm not ready to go to class or to do work yet. I wish all my problems would solve themselves. Thankfully I'm able to shrug most of it off and get over most of the shit pretty quickly now. I'm comfortably numb.
comments: Leave a comment Share

Current Music:Strangely, for once nothing can suit my mood
Security:
Subject:Home again, less my heart
Time:12:23 am
Current Mood:listlesslistless
When I stepped through the doorway, I felt so glad to be back. The work is gonna pile up soon, as will other stressful stuff, but for now, I'm home. This place seems different, yet the same. I guess that happens when you change and then return to a place... things'll be a bit different. I'm not sure what to think right now... I'm still in the process of figuring everything out and thinking things through. My emotions are all stirred up and confused, and I feel like a snow globe. I'm tired physically, but more so mentally and emotionally. I think for tonight, I'm just gonna let things go and stop thinking. The guys are heading out and doing a bit of drinking, but I'm just gonna sleep.

~Dan

PS: Brady and his gal aren't together anymore, so they are officially only fuck-buddies. His situation is pretty similar to mine, except I don't have a fuck-buddy. I guess I could have a couple, but somehow, for some strange reason, I don't want one. Why is that? What the fuck is happening to me...
comments: Leave a comment Share

Current Music:Yellowcard "Breathing"
Security:
Subject:Unexpected turn of events
Time:11:44 pm
Current Mood:hopefulhopeful
Well, I was supposed to fly back to Princeton today, and me and Whitney even had our little goodbye talk before she saw me head into the security area. AS it turned out however, my flight was canceled, and the flight I was switched to was delayed TWO times. This would have made me miss any possible connecting flight AND also miss the bus that I booked to take me to Penn Station in NYC. So, I'm here now, typing away on LJ on Whitney's computer, at 11:50PM, while she's taking a shower, watching some sitcom, and later I'll be sleeping on the sofa down in the basement. I can't say that I'm altogether disappointed... yeah the canceled flights and delays sucked, and yeah I'll be missing a few parties at Princeton, but I got to spend a little more time at Whitney's house and also spend the night! I guess that was worth all the hassle.

I feel like there's so much to say about where Whitney and I stand... the current state of our "relationship". I've talked about it with her a bit these past few days, and we've finally both come to an understanding about how we feel. I've thought so much about this... that I don't wanna think about it anymore. Besides, it always hurts when I think about it. Things didn't exactly turn out to be how I had hoped, and well... to make a long story short, my heart hurts more than ever now. Things'll be ok though, my hopes are high and life always goes on. Who knows what the future holds, and really... who cares? I'm confident that everything will work out in the end... and so I move on past this particular speed bump in my life. Still holding on to what's dear to me, but moving on too.

Whitney just got outta the shower... she's so gorgeous. I don't know why she doesn't realize it, but she's one amazinly beautiful girl. Till Princeton... This is Dan saying goodnight.
~Dan
comments: Leave a comment Share

Current Music:Yellowcard
Security:
Time:04:04 am
Alright, I have my first midterm of the year in 5 hours and 56 minutes. It is for my Engineering Statistics class. Hopefully it is do-able, this is my first departmental class and counts towards my departmental GPA. Anyways, I'm taking a break from studying and writing in here. Next week I have midterms all week... so it'll be 10000 million times more stressful than this week. I'll be buying my ticket to WV this weekend. I'm going to be visiting Whitney from the 24th till probably the 28th or the 29th. I can't wait. It will have been almost 2 months since I've seen her by the day I get there. Good God that's way too long. Of course, the only reason I don't visit more often is cuz of school, oh yeah, and the 400 bucks I'm gonna be spending just to fly there and stay in a hotel. Damn traveling is expensive. I wish I had a car to drive, that way I could just save the flight cost and sleep there saving the cost of the hotel. Too bad my car is 2500 miles away in Phoenix. How cruddy huh. Oh well, I'd say that it's more than worth it.

So lately, I've been wondering where exactly Whitney and I stand on the ole "relationship scale". I think of her as my GF, and I tell everyone here that. But it's always a bit sketchy since we haven't spent THAT much time together physically. I'd like to think we're way past that emotionally/mentally, but yeah... the typical physical aspect is missing. Of course, if I just wanted a physical relationship, I would've simply looked around here at school. Whitney is just so much more than anything here though. So I wait, and I yearn. But hey... she's sooooo worth it.

It's a standing joke in my hall... between my friends. Whitney is officially known as my "E-GF" or "I-GF". Apparently they haven't decided whether to refer to her as an electronic GF or an Internet GF. Despite my protest and insistence, that she's not simply either of those... they still think of her that way. I can't blame them though. It's certainly something that I never would have expected. If you asked me before this summer, if I would ever date someone I met online... I probably would have said Hell No. But jeez, before I knew it... I was drawn in and looking to have a relationship with Whitney. What can I say... she's so wonderful that I overcame my objections. ;-)

It is commonplace for most people here to have a relationship with people back home though. The difference is, they all are with people from their own state, or even high school. Long distance is not something I have ever been good with. It's extremely difficult when there are plenty of options sitting right down the hall from my room. But again, Whitney seems to enable me to ignore the pressure of physical demands. I can proudly say, that the last person I kissed... is Whitney. Have I had opportunities to hook-up here at Princeton? Yes... many. It's weird,, being a sophomore... it's 1000 times easier to hook-up than it is being a freshman. Last year, I actually had to put alot of effort forth to find girls. This year... everytime the high school recruits come visit, and all the new freshman... it's a cornucopia of eager girls. My friends find it absurd that I haven't done diddly squat with any girl, but then again... none of them really know Whitney. So yeah, passing on a hook-up is actually alot easier than it would seem. I haven't met any girl that can hold a candle to Whitney. It's tough not being able to reach out and hold her, and with school work bearing down on me... I haven't been able to have any real conversations with her lately... but I'm holding out for a better day. Keeping my hopes up for October 24th. Damn. Whitney rocks. I really like that girl. I'm a lucky guy ;-)

~Dan

PS School sucks, and now it's back to studying for my midterm.
comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Subject:Stupid shitty situation
Time:03:44 pm
So it's another Monday and I have the longest two weeks of this year ahead of me. Midterms are here and it's not gonna be pretty. Math is almost certainly gonna hand me a D or a low C. My Political Theory, Financial Markets, Statistics, and Near Eastern Studies class should all be A's or B's. Hopefully. I have a total of 20 pages worth of paper to write on topics and material I haven't read yet. *sigh* On the plus side, in two weeks I'll finally be able to see Whitney. It's been forever and taken all my reserve and will to wait this long... but I finally get to see her and when I do I'll be the happiest guy on earth. It's been rough with her lately... she's been wierd, and so have I. I was a bit of an ass this weekend, but she wasn't very nice either. So when combined, we just totally pissed each other off and somewhere in there we got hurt. Not fun.
I called her today, and from the get-go I can tell things are really different. She sounds forced... where once she was so excited to get a call from me, she really didn't give a shit today. AT least that's the impression I got. I could be wrong, but she seemed so indifferent. What's worse, is I tried to get her to laugh or to make light of the situation, and she totally missed it I think. I dunno if she's still angry or hurt or whatever. But I didn't think that I'd feel so cruddy when she's not happy with me. I mean seriously, I didn't think it would affect me much; all those little things that she does that make me smile or really happy, well she doesn't do them anymore. Eek. She's got me worried. I wish things were totally better between us. I hate drama and turmoil. I can't concentrate on my work now. I spend the time I'm supposed to be working worrying and hoping things will be back to normal. Ugg... this week is gonna suck even harder if she's still this way. Hopefully things'll be worked out later tonight. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
~Dan
comments: Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:03:01 pm
Alright... Sunday morning and I have no hangover. Point for me.

Saturday was officially the coolest, wildest, craziest, and "funnest" night yet. We threw the first room party and managed to draw quite a bit of people here, EVEN tho 2 other parties were going on in our building. In fact, in the same room as us, just 3 floors above us, and 1 floor below us. I say it was a success, although we have TONS of beer... (4 cases) left, along with my entire stock of liqueurs and liqours.
Ali and Monica had thier recruits, as did Sandy, but Ali also invited 4 West Point Cadets to come party with us. And they were insane. Cool guys, but they are insane. Funny thing was, my buddy Zach had his brother visiting from the Naval Academy... so it was tons of fun. Round midnight, we headed out to Coyote Ugly night at Tower, and then Oktoberfest at Cloister. I ended up dancing with Sandy, Page, Abby, Gillian, and Dana (the recruit from Las Vegas) all night. Fun times. Sandy got harrassed by some Indian dude who followed us from one side of the dance floor, to the other, and back. Aside from that, it was an awsome night. Has a bit of a fight with Whitney, but hopefully that's all resolved.

Now, time to work. Many hours of math ahead. Wish me luck.

~Dan

PS Te amo mi gatita
comments: Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:04:07 pm
Satuday, 4:07
Just got back from Mud Wrestling at Cap & Gown Club. Organized by the wrestling team and CGN frat. How hot was it? 4 girls ripping tops off hot. How proud of my roomate Jess am I? Couldn't be prouder. Taking on 3 extremely well-endowed and gorgeous girls, he held all three down long enough for me to take a picture. Jess lying on three girls = VERY Masculine. However... he was completely immasculated when the girls managed to trip him, straddle him, shove his face in the mud, and pin him decisively.
Also awsome, was the MAN vs BEAST match. Matthew Beare (aka, Bear the Beast) vs two midgets... (lightweight wrestlers). Bear with a weight of 260, and the two little people with a combined weight of 290. At the start of the match, the midgets rushed bear, only to have him clothesline them and throw them down into the mud on thier backs. VERY IMPRESSIVE. The winner? Bear of course. He ate one of the midgets.

Last night rocked. Hung out with all asians for a few hours. That certainly was fun, as long as I don't do it all the time. Apparently they approve of the fact that I have a "semi-relationship" with a non-asian. How racist is that. Does it matter that she's white? NO. She's beautiful, and I care deeply for her. That's what matters. ON the other hand, it's nice being lauded for "scoring with the white race" lol. Purely joking of course... sorta.

I can stress how awsome the girls on my floor and in 317 Witherspoon (above my room) are. Monica, Ali, Amy, Sandy, Page, Abbey, Alisha, Rachel, Meg, Laura, and whoever else I was chillin with. You all rock. Note to all, on my journey to Thomas Sweets (ice cream shop), I invented the best, richest, sweetest blend-in ice cream known to man. Double Chocolate ice crea with Oreo's, marshmellows, Peppermint Patties, and M&M's. OMG it was amazing, orgasmic, and dare I say... Earth-shatteringly life-changing. Plans for next week include: visit Super Easy Buffet with the Witherspoon chicks, Jess, Yann, and Brady; Visiting Chinatown in NYC with Monica to drink bubbletea; watching Garden State; and meeting Morgan, Chad's infamous GF from Texas.

Life at Princeton = pretty awsome

Status w/ Whitney = iffy, not sure where we're at... and she's been disappointingly moody and just plain different lately.

Monday Night Football cookout party in our room = invitations sent, ladies coming, beer on it's way, steaks and burgers and dogs coming soon. Redskins (Jess is from DC) VS Cowboys (Chad's from Dallas) will be show in front of our stadium seating couches. (yes, they are stadium style seating, we raised the couch)

Pool for the first guy who hooks up with Brady's little sister = a measly 20 bucks.

Amount offered to ANY man who gives Kelsey a Cleveland Steamer = 50 bucks

Time Brady will alot any man who touches his sister = 1 hour head start

Chance that Kelsey (Brady's sister), will get laid this weekend = 100% (dozens of guys have taken up the challenge)

Kelsey's Age = 16

NJ legal age of consent = (luckily) 16

~Dan
comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:12:50 pm
Friday morning: I woke up with a HUGE hangover and a horrible case of dry-mouth. Silly beer. Ok, so here's a story... I played beer pong with Allie(she sucks) last night, against the two champions at the club. Well they were the winners of the last game so they went first. Both made thier shots, so that's two beers outta ten they've hit. But since they both hit in a turn, they get the balls back. Then they both make it AGAIN, that's another two beers and they still have possession of the balls, and... yes ladies and gentlemen, they both hit it AGAIN. So... in a matter of a minute, that's 6 beers down my throat (allie was so drunk she couldn't take anymore). They finally both miss, I make my shot, and Allie misses hers. yippee. Thier turn, and they both sink thier shots. At this point... I wanted to die in shame. the score was 8-1, and they have possession of the ball. Well needless to say, they sunk thier shots after a few turns. And I forced allie to drink the last two beers. THEN, I realized, that the losing team also drinks the winning team's beers. Since we only sunk one... that's 9 beers that me and allie had to split. So I turn to her and she tells me she can't drink anymore. My ass is handed to me. And I drowned in beer. Those 9 were the hardest beers I had ever drank. Good thing the cups are only half-filled. Otherwise I wouldn't be alive right now.

But other than that, the night was fun. Allie's a great dancer when drunk and she gives a really good back scratch too. Page shakes her booty like Beyonce, and Abby tore up the dance floor too. Alisha dropped out and went to Terrace... Meg, Lauren, and thier recruit left early "due to tiredness". And Monica spent the night dancing with Neil. All-in-All, it was the best night I've had here so far, expect for the Holy Smokes concert at Colonial. Wonderful time, awsome gals. Only downside... Jess has a football game versus Navy in Maryland, Chad has a rugby game versus somebody, and Yann doesn't dance or drink cuz he's a loser like that. Oh yah, Brady played FFXI online so he didn't wanna come out. So it was just me and 8 girls. :-D I'm spoiled.
~D
comments: Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:07:26 pm
Thursday night, and I just ate a plate full of London Broiled Steak. It was too dry and overcooked though. It's about 7:30, and Whitney's not online. I guess that means she's out, working late, internet's not working, or just plain busy. School's been crazy lately. A bajillion things are happening all at once and all I wanna do is sleep now. So beat, all the time. But... instead I will work on my Statistics problem set, and then head out to the Street for a few beers. I love the people here though. Roomates can be asshole's sometimes, but then again so can I. Page, Sandy and Abby are awsome. Allie and Amy crack me up. And Monica made me cookies. Damn I love cookies. I beat Halo with my roomate Yann today. I'm feeling distant from Whitney and I dunno why. Hopefully she signs online soon. I get to visit her in a month, and then sophomore formals are Nov 13th. Time is just moving too slowly. I'm out.
~D
comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment Share

Current Music:3 Doors Down and Switchfoot
Security:
Subject:One of the crowd, nursing our hangovers
Time:01:40 pm
Current Mood:confusedconfused
You know what I missed most about college? It's the collective activities that I missed. Like this morning, I woke up feeling like someone dropped a bowling ball on my head, but when I crawled outside for some fresh air... I found dozens of other kids sitting out on the lawn chatting 'bout where they went last night and how bad thier heads hurt. I meandered over to my roommate and a kid I lived a floor below the year before. It was a comforting sight. Seeing my fellow partiers out there chilling and working off thier hangovers, it gave me a bit of hope for this year. Sophmore year just might be the best damn year ever. But it's still too early to tell I guess.
I just bought the Switchfoot and Nickleback CDs. I also got a new sound system for the room. Not a bad model... it's a basic one with two speakers and no sub... but it's loud and it's better than the old one. Besides, it cost me like 50 bucks... AND it's got all these blue LED lights that make it look sweet ass. lol
So far, my roommates (Chad, Yann, and Jess) and I have bought tons of shit for our room... but the place is such a mess. It seriously looks like a dump right now, with papers and bags, and clothes and luggage strewn everywhere. Soon enough though, after we clean the room and build the tables... our room will look really nice. The actual bedrooms are a little cramped, and we had to loft all the beds to fit our desks in there... but the common room is amazing. I'll prolly spend most of my time there anyways. We also are going out tonight to buy a 32 inch TV. WOOHOO. it's pretty cheap too... it's only gonna be 50 bucks a person.
Damn, I feel really lazy. My blood feels like thick syrup. I just wanna take a nap. haha. Funny thing is the whole campus seems to still be in a siesta. It's an almost eerie feeling. Almost too quiet. Ah well. It's been an emotional and eventful week to say the least. Since leaving AZ last thursday, I have traveled through 6 states, met the girl of my dreams, re-bonded with all my Princeton buds, and finally, drank some good 'ol Milwak Beast. I feel like I've been riding a roller-coaster, and right now I'm at a temporary lull, the coaster's just slowing moving upwards. I've got a feeling things are gonna get so much more hectic when classes actually start. But, I think I'll like it. Time seems to be my biggest challenge right now. If I could fast forward time 4 years...I would. If I could slow it down and give myself more time to do stuff... I would do that too. Each for a different reason...
*sigh* ok I might as well get into it... perhaps there's someone out there that could shine some light on my situation. I'm so torn right now. I've got school, friends, and a completely packed life out here at Princeton. Not to mention all my friends and stuff back in AZ... well it just seems that I'm drawn to too many places. When I'm in AZ, I'm completely busy with people and stuff... and here, it's the same. But there's someone else, somewhere else... that I really wanna be with and spend time with. She's just simply amazing. It's hard for me to describe how incredible she is... every dream or wish I've had about a girl... she not only meets, she exceeds. Alot of times... it's just in the little things she does, the way she responds, it just amazes me. This sucks hard though, it's hard enough juggling everything from AZ and Princeton... I dunno how much I can dedicate to her, and that worries me. If only I didn't have school. If only I had a job already. If I had more time to deal with school shiet. *sigh* It worries me because this girl deserves SO MUCH more than what I'm giving her right now. But I can't give more right now. I've got too many obligations here already. I wish there were a way. I'm so afraid I'll lose her. I'm deathly afraid of that. But I don't know how much more I can do right now. It seems that only time can tell.
In addition, there's so many temptations here. I try to keep my head on straight and focus on what I really want, but it's so hard. So many chances, so many apples that I know I'm not supposed to eat. I've been completely unwavering so far... but I'm scared of what might happen. I know it would hurt her alot, and I care about her so much it would kill me to know I did something that pains her. God help me, for I need to do what's right... and sometimes that can be so hard to do.
I'll admit, I worry alot about what she's doing too. I trust her. Completely. She hasn't done anything to ever make me doubt. In fact, she's shown me that she confides in me, and told me the truth even when she knew the result wouldn't be too good. For that, I trust her even more. But dammit I'm so jealous and worried. Apparently she's "sorta" seeing a guy there in WV. I know stuff goes on between them... and it kills me to think about it. So I just try not to. But sometimes, when I miss her alot... it's all I can think of. And it sucks. Alot. I can't blame her tho. She's just seizing on an opportunity and getting what I can't give her from 550 miles away. Fuck that punk. He's got a 500 mile advantage over me... but I'll be dead before letting that shitter get the best of me. Damn. I always get worked up 'bout this kinda stuff. *sigh* God DAMMIT what the hell can I do... what am I supposed to do? So far, I've only thought of two options.
The first... I drop this like it's hot. Let it go, and see if fate/chance/etc brings me back to WV. If I just stopped caring, and stopped putting effort and energy into it, maybe it'll fade. I dunno. But that's one option.
The second... is to put up with it knowing there's diddly shit I can do. Just sit back, and know it's happening, and just deal with it. If I just put up with it long enough, maybe things will change. Maybe if I'm patient and wait.
Now here's the problem with the two options. For the first... I don't wanna drop it. I care so freaking much about her. I just don't want to do it.
The second... I'm not one to put up with stuff... I've always moved on, gone for something bigger and better. I've never been one to sit and wait around. And I'll admit my patience is not one of my stronger qualities. I always do something about it... waiting is not my cup of tea.

So... therein lies my options and why I can't do either. In short, I'm just so damn conflicted. If anyone's got any advice for me... please let me know. I really need it.

With that, I think I'll end this update. I'm weary and in need of a nap. I'm gonna pop in my 3 doors down CD, close my eyes, and hopefully I won't have to worry while I'm asleep. My dreams, they are the one place my problems can't follow.
~Dan

He spends his nights in California
watching the stars on the big screen
And then he lies awake and he wonders
Why can't that be me?

Cause in his life he's filled with all these good intentions,
He's left a lot of things
He'd rather not mention right now.
Just before he says good-night,
He looks up with a little smile at me and he says:

If I could be like that,
I would give anything.
Just to live one day
In those shoes.
If I could be like that
What would i do?
What would i do? Yeah

She spends her days up in the North Park,
Watching the people as they pass.
And all she wants is just a little piece of this dream
Is that too much to ask?
With a safe home,
And a warm bed,
On a quiet little street.
All she wants is just that something to hold on to.
Thats all she needs. Yeah
comments: Leave a comment Share

Dan's Journal
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:College Humor. Ladder Theory - THE MOST amazing site ever. Maddox Rocks. Find the song you heard on the radio played ANYTIME of the day ANYWHERE.
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries